you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize