Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I got inside last night via doggy door
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
