sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
