i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
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Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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