My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
