we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
