See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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