He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
