so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
