Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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