You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
