Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
