Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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