Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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