all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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