the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
