Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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