everyone is single if you try hard enough
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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