All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
