Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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