He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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