I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Who wears a wallet chain?!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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