last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
