it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
