I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
