I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
