somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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