Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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