I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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