i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
