Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
