we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
