I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
