He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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