If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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