your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
