Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
