apparently the secret to your success is patron
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
