another moral hangover. fuck.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
