I want to have your abortion
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
