Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
