ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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