i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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