We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
