Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
last night I used snow as a chaser
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
