Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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