Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
