You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
