in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
