Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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