I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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