I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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