Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
