I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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