If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
