how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
