I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
