just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
