i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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